Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
