my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
