your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
