Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
