Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
