need another drink. this is the easiest way
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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