I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
