does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
