I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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