It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
