Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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