Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
