My nipple is on Facebook.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
