she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
