woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
