Just fell off a train. Bad.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
