What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
