Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
