Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
