please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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