I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
