The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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