Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Drunk is not a location!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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