Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
