I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
