i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
