In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
