There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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