im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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