I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
