she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
is it fun? or sober?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
