Kiss
Puke
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Randomize
