Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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