my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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