two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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