i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
