SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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