At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
