I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
