drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
