Do vagina's smell?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
