i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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