also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
