dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
