he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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