I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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