dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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