my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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