just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm at about main and main street
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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