just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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