Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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