My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
