I love black thongs
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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