I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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