weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
