You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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