I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
