he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize