Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
my poor anus
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
