everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize