SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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