Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
