do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
