If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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