Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
