Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
