Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
