Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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