im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
