i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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