There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
