I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
