Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
